Truly, I'm not prone to histrionics, so take me at my word when I say that yesterday made me feel as if I was a priority to no one. Part of the problem is the overstretched, overwhelmed state that seems like the modern motherhood status quo; the other (related) part involves my rampant yes tendencies, even in the face of absurd requests. Read on to find out how I unraveled (and then, lest you think this is pure rant, I’ll provide a resource to consider if you feel similarly overwhelmed, overbooked, and overlooked):
Truly, I'm not prone to histrionics, so take me at my word when I say that yesterday made me feel as if I was a priority to no one. Part of the problem is the overstretched, overwhelmed state that seems like the modern motherhood status quo; the other (related) part involves my rampant yes tendencies, even in the face of absurd requests. Read on to find out how I unraveled (and then, lest you think this is pure rant, I’ll provide a resource to consider if you feel similarly overwhelmed, overbooked, and overlooked):
Sometimes, parental epiphanies just can’t be gleaned from textbook knowledge. Today, Tracy shares her realizations about the ever-shifting, ongoing process that is behavior shaping in kids:
“You’d think that, as a psychologist, I’d be able to use my skills as a therapist to assist my children in learning right from wrong, what is appropriate, what is not. In a nutshell, how to behave. And, at the very least, you’d think I’d have a firm appreciation for what stage and age they are at, and the “button-pushers” that go along with it. You’d think.
I had the unusual opportunity of growing up in a three-generation household where, one by one, as circumstance dictated, my parents took in each of their parents (not to mention other periodic immigrating family members along the way). Most modern families, however, can’t sustain this arrangement, whether it’s due to logistical, emotional, or medical constraints. For this reason especially, I was extremely impressed when I learned about Care.com.
Some mamas have a very firm sense of how many children they want (present company not included…). Reader Erica from Northampton wrote in with a recommendation for parents who are set on one child: “There are precious few resources out there for those of us considering the single child route. Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only
, by psychologist Susan Newman, addresses and disputes a lot of the cultural myths of only children (spoiled, antisocial, etc.) while offering practical strategies to prevent the myths from becoming reality.”
As an adolescent, my parents never discussed anything human body-related; I subsequently got all of my (somewhat sketchy) information about sex, periods, etc. from my older siblings and friends. I’m thus determined to keep the communication channels open with Laurel (and she’s already been testing me here…). Today, Amy Cody offers ideas to help frame your conversations about sex and sexuality with your child:
Preparing for life with 2+ kids obviously involves more than, say, the practicalities of unearthing your layette and transitioning your toddler to a big bed to free up the crib. A cognitive shift in perspective helped clinical psychologist Tracy relieve herself of the guilt stemming from not doing exactly for her second as she did for her first:
“For parents of two or more children, life can sometimes feel like an episode from The Cat in the Hat
. Life does eventually settle down after “Thing 2” comes along, but those early days of adjustment can make you feel like the fish, balancing atop a precarious pile of obligations, chores, and well, your children.
As often happens with women, I was optimally dedicated to self-care when I was pregnant. I fueled my body with good food, swam laps several times a week up until the day before Laurel was born (the lifeguards always looked terrified when they saw me waddling up to the lanes), and calmed my mind with plenty of stretching and breathing.
Even so, it wasn’t until the last few years – during which I faced the major life stressors of becoming a parent, losing loved ones, and experiencing the mother of all professional upheavals – where I really started thinking about mind-body connection practices, largely thanks to the therapist Jon and I started seeing after Laurel was born, and from what I have learned via Jon’s dedication to mindfulness practices.
During my last trimester with Laurel, I often couldn't believe that my belly had ever been flat. And I have moments now when I see pregnant women and am amazed that I ever carried that giant, fantastic belly. It makes me wish that I had captured tangible, tactile evidence of my pregnant self.
If we go the baby road again, I plan on molding my form with the Belly Imprint Spa Treatment & Sculpting Kit by Belly Vita. A beautifully packaged go-to gift for expecting moms, this kit offers a multimodal means to indulge the senses, calm the mind, create an extraordinary keepsake, and connect with your partner before the chaos begins. The process takes about 30 minutes and involves massaging soothing oil onto the belly, prepping then wrapping the sculpting fabric on the belly and chest, and relaxing while the sculpting fabric sets. (Note: This is the perfect time to solicit a hand and foot rub.) Once dry, your belly mold can continue to evolve into a work of art with simple paint, pretty paper decoupage accents, and/or ribbon or other embellishments.
Since becoming a parent, whenever I feel overwhelmed by stress, household minutia, and/or the seeming inability to pee or shower in private, I repeat the airline mantra, “Secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” Moms are notoriously challenged in tending to their own needs; today, Tracy offers thoughts on how to work towards better self-care (and she’s a doctor, so listen up!):
Inquiring minds want to know: Does your child use bodily fluid as a means to communicate low parental approval ratings?
We finally are nearing the end of an insane two-month stretch where every weekend has involved travel, visitors, or (least fun of all) Jon being away. Not surprisingly, Laurel has not been happy about Jon’s weekend absences, and it appears that she also hasn’t been oblivious to the tight lipped tension or petty squabbling that has occured when my grumpiness and his guilt about these weekends have collided.
Reader Erica from Northampton wrote in to notify us about AP writer Lindsey Tanner’s article Is Video-Game Addiction a Mental Disorder? This weekend at the American Medical Association’s annual policy meeting, the AMA Council on Science and Public Health will lobby for gaming disorders to be included in the American Psychiatric Association’s mental illness manual (the DSM, I assume). Classifying addictive gaming behavior as a psychiatric disorder would serve to raise awareness and allow insurance coverage for treatment. Debate is sure to ensue given potential consequences for the video game industry, and current disagreement about this added classification from some mental health providers.
Few things stress parents like having family, friends, or professionals raise their eyebrows when they hear that your babe hasn’t done X, Y, or Z by a specific age. I’ve already made clear my thoughts on statistical variability and individual differences (see Redshirting), and today we’re grateful to Kate for sharing her story and lead regarding Early Intervention:
A local reader wrote in with a tip about Chatterboxes, a group of pediatric speech pathologists in Boston. She writes: “We had trouble with the hospitals as their waiting lists were long and our son couldn't be seen for 7 months. Chatterboxes is the only pediatric SLP private practice in Greater Boston…we were excited to find them. Chatterboxes came through and helped our son tremendously.”
Chatterboxes doesn’t yet have a live website; contact them at 617-723-TALK.
UPDATE (8/3/07): The reader who submitted this tip wrote in with a link to the Chatterboxes website. Much appreciated!
Pursuant to Tracy’s Piggy Party post (including allergy friendly cake and frosting recipes), here are some great tips for hosting and attending parties where allergies are an issue:
"My older son has been to many birthday parties, and has enjoyed himself immensely. As far as I can tell, he has never felt left out because of his food allergies (milk and milk products, eggs, peanuts), and I think the collaboration I engage in with hosting parents helps a lot. There certainly has been a learning curve, though, in figuring out how my son can safely enjoy partying at a friend’s house; the following are some tips that might help parents of allergic kids, and parents hosting parties where allergic kids will be attending.
Coming from a family of 7 where hand me downs were the norm, middle school offered tough love on the fashion front. At lunch, the exclusion factor was especially obvious via a table of girls who set inclusion parameters as owning at least 5 pairs of Guess jeans and 5 Benetton sweaters.
Some great friends kept me grounded during that time, but it’s hard not to feel disheartened that Laurel no doubt will face her own version of this scenario in the future. The good news is that today, our parent education specialist Amy Cody offers a great resource to help you help your daughter survive cliques and other inevitable adolescent nasties:
These days I seem to field a lot of inquiries about when we’re going to have another baby. And probably like many parents, on the good days I think “Sure! Now is good!” and on the bad, “We’re done." Our thoughts have become further muddled by logistics (e.g., finances, Jon’s loss of his office/meditation station), and guilt about the prospect of never again being able to give Laurel our undivided attention.
It’s refreshing when others have the answers and today we’re thrilled to introduce Tracy, a new guest contributor, who has made her decision about family size. Read on, and weigh in with your opinion on ideal family size.
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Obesity is a critical public health issue for adults and children in the U.S., and one whose complexity goes beyond the seemingly simple factors of intake and exercise. Mama reader Erica from Northampton just wrote in about FAT: What No One Is Telling You. The program, framed through personal narratives – including those of a grandmother who wants to get fit so she can keep up with her grandchild and a public health professional committed to educating families and kids (including her Latino community) about nutrition and activity – details the biological barriers, cultural habits, and economic realities that play a role in this increasingly common condition.
Part of PBS’s Take One Step Health Campaign, FAT premieres tomorrow at 9pm on PBS (click here for local broadcast information). Also check out their 20 Steps to Better Health guide, which includes tips for families.
Sometimes Grandma really can save the day.
The other day when Jon was on the phone with his mom, and Laurel was – in a no nap state of post-dinner psychosis – running around the house screaming happily into a digital tuner (she just learned that the tuner reacts to her voice), Jon’s mom made an excellent suggestion: don’t squelch the self-expression, just contain it in a can.
It’s almost embarrassing that I (what with the fancy training in acoustics and auditory perception…) didn’t think of this and it worked like a dream. In this instance, we dumped out a cylinder of blocks, tossed the metronome into it, and told Laurel to try yelling into the can to see if she could make the tuner blink (shown). Everybody won. Laurel got to get the craziness out of her system (and subsequently exhausted herself into a quick slumber that night), the painful sensation in our ears was alleviated, and we were able to avoid the tired (and usually ineffective) flat out “no.”