Dear Boston Mamas: What Do I Do With A Newborn All Day?
Today's Dear Boston Mamas question comes from a friend -- I know lots of new moms have the same question so I'm sharing here:
Dear Christine, I am asking all my friends who have had (or currently have again) newborns: what do you do with them all day? Sometimes I get really bored during the day; is that normal? Does he have to be learning all the time? Is it ok if he just sits there in his bouncer? Going out with a newborn in [my city] is tough! We go out once a day, but nothing too complicated that requires public transportation, not yet. I find myself saying...ok, what are we going to do next? [My son] is amazing...he has such a gentle and sweet demeanor. In the morning when he first gets up we spend about 20 minutes "talking" to each other, then he naps and I shower and we take it from there. Tuesdays are awesome because I go to this fantastic moms group -- just a few, quirky, non-judgmental, amazing women and our babies. We rotate houses and literally stay all day. It rocks.
Here are some thoughts and tips that I shared with my friend. If you've got additional ideas, please share below in the comments!
First, don't be too hard on yourself...it is completely normal to get bored. Newborns don't do a ton and it is possible to get your fill on staring at your baby for hours on end (and I say this as someone who spent a lot of hours gazing at my wee babies!). Many parents find life with little ones more exciting when the babies become more interactive. Even at 3+ months Violet has really "waken up" as a baby...she's so funny and interactive now.
Second, I am really anti-newborn enrichment propaganda. Remember that initially newborns can't even see very far, much less be enriched by videos or whatever. It's the basic contact with loved ones that will be enriching for them in the early months (and beyond).
Now, on to some basic action items...
1. It is awesome that you have a moms group -- keep that up! My first time around I had a lot of nearby friends having babies at the same time so I had my own built in moms group. This time around life is more dictated by Laurel's schedule so we're out and about quite a bit in that respect.
2. I highly recommend getting out and having one adventure a day. With Laurel I always felt really bummed out on the days where I realized that I hadn't left the house, yet couldn't remember what I had done all day. Some of the ways I suggest getting out include: doing on foot/stroller errands with the baby, visiting a cafe, power walking just for fun (and so you can eventually get into your regular clothes again!), seeing if you can find mom/baby friendly movie theatre hours, and meeting a friend for lunch.
3. Try something new where you can meet more new moms (e.g., mom/baby yoga, music together, etc.). When your son gets mobile and you can hit the local playground it will be easier to meet other families, but at the newborn stage it will be harder...hence, classes.
4. Check out your local library to see if there are singalongs and baby friendly programming.
5. My friends Heather and Whitney have a great site called Rookie Moms. They offer lots of fun ideas for adventures and things for new moms.
6. Consider pushing your boundaries a little. For example, try the stroller on public transport for a short distance. Or take your son out in a carrier instead. I love babywearing because it's so much less clunky to get around. Of course, it's better for short distance type things (especially in this heat!) -- use the carrier in the neighborhood or only go as far as you can comfortably tote a diaper or two and wipes in a small pack (so you aren't straining carrying too much stuff). You'll feel triumphant when you make it home after the adventure!
7. Do stuff at home. I take care of a lot of household matters babywearing Violet (e.g., tidying, laundry) or chatting with her while she's in her bouncer (e.g., prepping food). I've found it rather amazing that our house is more in order and we eat better with a baby around and it's because I incorporate Violet into all of these things that need to get done anyway. And all of that close time while babywearing, and all of the chit chat while she is in the bouncer is bonding!
Have a question for Christine? Drop her a line! And of course feel free to comment in if you have recommendations beyond those made above.
Image credit: Jonathan Fitch via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Comments
On days that aren't unbearably hot, I'd suggest going out for long walks. I used to love doing that with both of my newborns. Whether babywearing or using a stroller, I figured the fresh air was good for both of us. Plus, I was able to take care of a few light errands too (post office, library, pharmacy). Also helps shed the post pregnancy weight! :-)
Posted by: Jennifer Johnson | July 7, 2011 12:18 PM | Reply to this comment
Honestly? Enjoy the downtime. My first kids were twins, and I had post-partum depression, so I kind of envy you even getting to ask the question. That said, your baby will be a bundle of crawling, baby-proof-testing energy all too soon, so maybe grab a book, or pick up an old hobby, and have some time to your self before the onslaught of go-go-go with your toddler begins. It will come sooner than you think!
Posted by: Susan | July 7, 2011 3:49 PM | Reply to this comment
Being bored is totally normal. Every day does not have to be the model of a perfect life. One day you might eat cereal for lunch while you watch Sixteen Candles. That's ok. If you feel guilty, make a gesture to the outside world, such as dropping off cookies at the firestation or donating to a cause you believe in. I just read that a charitable action can lift your spirits for the whole day.
Thanks to Christine for calling out Rookie Moms. Here is a specific link for moms with newborns: http://www.rookiemoms.com/activities-for-new-moms-52-weekly-challenges/
Posted by: RookieMom Whitney | July 8, 2011 4:52 PM | Reply to this comment
If you live in a climate where you can get outside, do it! You'll both feel much better
As for "does he have to be learning all the time?" Yes! That's what babies do. They learn all the time. You can read up on all the stages of learning about hands, fingers, vocalization, etc, or you can just let your baby show you. It may be hard to put thngs baby learned today into words, but you will definitely see interest develop in a particular area, then another, then another. Go with it. Let the kiddo guide you and don't be pressured by some curriculum from elsewhere.
Most people I know say having a new baby is exhausting. You must really have things together if you can be bored. That's fantastic. If you aren't scrambling to get things together in your household, why not do whatever you would be doing without baby? Take him along, make sure his basic needs are met, turn his stroller so he can see you, and do your thing. He's learning just seeing you. He's also learning to fit into your life, which becomes increasingly important. If you set things aside while he's little, it will be years before you get back to them and you won't be as good at them. Better to weave him into your life now.
Don't feel pressured to have fun. A baby is a person. Nobody's thrilling every second, day after day. Just like any other relationship, your togetherness will include ups & downs & a lot of ho hum. That's how it should be. Enjoy!
Posted by: Jen | July 9, 2011 5:44 AM | Reply to this comment