Memory, Motherhood, & Celebration
Today, Kate shares how she chose to celebrate her awakening to motherhood:
“The first two years of motherhood were unexpectedly hard for me. I say unexpected because I had sailed through pregnancy and fully expected motherhood to be an enhancement to an already full and happy life, not a fundamental or in some ways jarring change. It sounds naive to write that now, but at the time I was caught totally unprepared for the nagging sense of sadness, emotional disequilibrium, and whispering worry that I was an inadequate and insufficiently loving mother.
I'll never really know whether I had a diagnosable case of postpartum depression or else was merely staggered by an unfamiliar and lengthy adjustment to parenting, but there's no question that the process of bonding with my daughter and learning to relax and trust myself as a mother took much longer than I would have ever dreamed or wanted. As the fog finally began to lift and I began to embrace the joys of motherhood more than resist its inconveniences, I felt an urge to do something public - something visual - to celebrate my awakening to parenting.
I considered an elegant piercing or a tattoo of my daughter's name or birth date, but ultimately rejected both out of squeamishness and a lurking sense that they would look ridiculous when I'm sitting around the bingo table in forty years. So I decided instead to buy a small sterling charm of my daughter's first initial, to wear on a chain around my neck as a reminder to myself of everything that mothering is, has been, and will be in my life. My path to living fully as a mother has been a different one than the one I often see in books and magazines, but I've come to a place that feels good and true for me and I wish the same for every mother out there. With Mother's Day approaching, I hope that we all have a way to celebrate that sparkles for us and our children.”
Image credit: Tiffany & Co. Elsa Peretti letter pendant