Boston Mamas: Web of Worry

It doesn’t take much to push a parent’s worry button, and the source often is another parent, either in an attempt to make conversation, or enlist you as an accomplice in their web of worry.

The other day during day care drop off another parent commented on Laurel’s maturity (a relative term, of course), looked at the birthday board, and said gravely, “Oh, you’re going to have the same problem as us.” The problem being that both of our kids were born in early September; we thus would just miss the typical cutoff date for kindergarten (August 31 or September 1 in many Mass. towns) and be relegated to an extra year in pre-school.

I immediately began to fret. As an older student, would Laurel be bored in school? Will she continue on her 98th percentile height trajectory and tower freakishly over her classmates? On the other hand, would she be a late bloomer (like both of her parents were), and thus benefit from being an older student? Or would it be good for her to be older and not be as stressed out academically? And then, extrapolating further, would any of these differences make it difficult for Laurel to make friends? Would she be happy? And so on and so forth…

Once the initial wave of anxiety passed, I felt annoyed with myself for getting sucked into the other parent's web of worry. All of these concerns were based on a host of unknown future variables (e.g., our residence, Laurel’s physical and intellectual development, the cutoff dates remaining the same), as well as my own baggage as a late bloomer quietly trying to work below my potential to avoid fulfilling the overachieving Asian stereotype. There’s little I can do about any of this, short of heading to the therapist to work on my baggage.

It’s hard not to get caught up in other parents’ worries, but for now I’m going to shelve these concerns and just enjoy Laurel’s “school” in its current form; where art and song rule, and the differences that the kids are most interested in involve the contents of one another's lunchboxes.

Comments

Worry not! My sis was a December birthday who was always younger than everyone and felt it keenly (despite being an old soul and very mature for her age) and my bro was a November birthday who went in young and repeated a year of kindergarten and was extremely well-adjusted all through school (plus becoming extra popular when he was one of the first to get his driver's license.) Kindergarteners today learn what we learned in first grade anyway - Laurel might be way less stressed if she's a bit older. Besides, outcomes are determined by parental education and income not by anything to do with school anyway, right?

Posted by: cynth | November 14, 2006 6:19 PM

There's no telling which way you 'should' worry. My parents came up with a way to circumvent the Oct 1 cutoff for my Oct 18 sister to start kindergarten, so she was the youngest in her class all the way through high school. She was among the top grade-scorers but she still can get quite angry (at 45 yrs of age) when she talks about it--shortest, late bloomer, drivers license as a jr, etc. Out in the TX panhandle, I found my son's classmates' parents would occasionally hold their children back intentionally. School there involves a lot of 'sit still and absorb what we're telling you'. This leads to high test scores but is harder for younger kids. People also hold their kids back for sports. And, as you say, different places have different cut-offs. In Germany it's Jan 1.
Love your daughter and she'll do fine!
j

Posted by: Jennifer | January 22, 2008 8:47 PM

Web of Worry

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